Posts Tagged ‘Divorce’

Now, with a little bit of distance between “the event” and my current reality, I’ve been taking stock of my current situation.

The one thing you can’t dismiss is how horrible it is to be separated from your children: that’s something that doesn’t get any better, and while it gets more recognisable it doesn’t get any easier to accept.

On the other hand, I have found that it’s been quite complicated to accept being separated from my ex-wife – only in as much as what I miss is the presence of the woman I married (who was fun, considerate, interesting and cultured – and sexy), but what I am pleased to have left behind is the lying, mean and adulterous being I ended up with (who was none of the above-mentioned things). It’s in trying to reconcile the co-existence of the two (and, I suppose, trying to work out when the latter replaced the former) that hours of grieving, thousands of pounds in psychiatrists’ fees and countless bottles of wine with friends would be wasted (were I that type, which I’m not), I suppose.

After it all, though, there are lots of good things: a sifting of the wheat from the chaff in terms of who ones friends are (with the results being surprising, often – and all the more gratifying for that; a different attitude to life (far less pressurised, worried and intense: because after this, what can really hurt you?); and (very recently, needless to say) the emergence of Ludicrously Attractive Girlfriend (of whom more, later). There is also a reconnection with my family (whom ex-wife, for her own very sad reasons, was always at odds with) which is marked by all the insane ups and downs of a proper family bond – and which I shall feature very heavily in the entries to follow.

Finally – and not to sound too crappily New Age about the whole thing – there is a reaffirmation of what you are, yourself. The things you find funny, the things that interest you, the things that make you angry, the people whom you like, the values that you hold, the standards that you want to adhere to. It’s necessary, I think, in any relationship to subjugate some of yourself to the will of your partner – people who claim otherwise are, I believe, deluded – but it’s also good to be able to catch sight again of the person that you were at (in my case) 18, 21, 25, 30 and 35 and think: “He’s great – and I’m glad he’s around.”.

May I just say RIGHT NOW, having re-read this post that this is the last time that I shall engage in such amateurish navel-gazing – but it had to be done, if only to clear the way for a resumption of the former tone of this blog: silly, littered with stupid names and a little bit ranty.

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In what is possibly the least hotly anticipated return to any public arena since the announcement of Jim Davidson’s return to stand-up comedy, I’m back.

You will be keen for updates: “But just what HAS he done with all his books now?”, “Have his children discovered new ways to swear in front of priests?”, “Has he REALLY forgiven Fiona Shaw for “Black Dahlia”?” and “Is finding out that your wife was having an affair worse than living with your parents?” – and I shall be ready to elaborate on all of these in due course.

Anyway, this is very much by way of a dipping of a toe in the water. All the fun stuff (children, holidays, idiotic things that people say and do at work etc.) and all the less fun stuff (divorce, finding out stuff you’d probably rather never have known, some very bad theatre) will be rolled out for your delight, disdain and comment. Now I feel I have broken my duck (and with words that – I don’t feel it boastful to say – shall hereafter be compared to the opening of The King James Bible, The Gettysburg address, and Dr. King’s “I have a dream…”, let’s be honest), I think ┬áit’s going to be a little easier to score run after winning run.

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Don’t worry: I’m not going to go into Catholic overdrive on you – and I’m still pretty shell-shocked by the discovery of my wife’s affair, so it will be a short one – but it’s worth noting that one of the good things that’s come out of this devastating turn of events is the support you get from people: some expected (family, friends) and some of it from the most unlikely sources. Thank God for good people!

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New Year, New Life

Well – at least it makes some sort of sense in terms of helping me remember dates: not normally a strong point of mine…

Last night, I found out that Wife has been having an affair since Summer: an old school friend of hers. So, we’ll be getting divorced and putting an end to nearly ten years of marriage, and fifteen years of love, out of which came three of the most wonderful people you could hope to meet. For their sake, I am very sorry that it’s come to this – but I suppose that one has to be accepting (as I think I wrote earlier on here somewhere) of the difference between the things that one can and cannot change.

So: rough times ahead, no doubt – but after that, a better life, I pray.

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