Oh shitting hell! Is there any pronouncement more likely to be both simultaneously untrue AND dreadful as the daily pronouncement that is the scourge of my life: “We need a meeting”?
It is a particular favourite of Travesty of All Things Gay (who is quite a one for confusing activity with productivity), but not limited to him: it is a modern industrial malaise. They’re treated as the professional equivalent of an enema: a chance to get a sluggish system moving, to inject a bit of dynamism into a stagnant environment – and there’s an almost evangelical belief in their efficacy. Creative work not being bought? “We need a meeting!”. Strategy not effective? “We need a meeting!”. Client refusing to return your calls, pitching the business and slagging you off to Campaign? “We need a meeting!”
Bollocks. What one needs, of course, is decisions – what I think is very much up for debate is whether or nor one needs a meeting to get them. In my experience, meetings tend to be fora for showboating, political posturing and point-scoring; rather than an environment in which things can get done. They also seem to be assuming the status of weddings and Christenings in that the issue of who is invited to these sanctioned wastes of time is seen as being some sort of marker of importance and personal worth: “Do they want ME in the meeting” having become the adman’s version of the lover’s “Do you still fancy me?” as an index of worth. It’s all very bizarre.
Today was a case in point: Enthusiastic Account Guy, Travesty of All Things Gay, Planner with Austrian Hair and I all went off for a meeting that would have been better replaced with an exchange of three documents via e-mail and then a ten minute conversation. Traveling ten minutes in a taxi for this sort of waste of time is one thing: flying to Thailand (as I am about to) to do the same thing, is rather different…